Dog, bone and out the door

Several months ago I remarked about the idiot in my office whose phone went off in his trouser pocket and he didn't notice until it had got everyone else searching for the source of the noise! Well, the problem has finally been sorted.....I've fired him.

My thoughts are with his family who, unlike us, will now have to put up with his stupidity on a very regular basis.

I'd rather be a quack than a ducky...

Apparently tomorrow is 'drown a duck day'. I must remember to pack my snorkel, a pair of rubber waders and bag of assorted breads.

Who needs an expensive car alarm?

Having parked up at the gym the other day, I was amused to see a 4x4 jeep with it's rear door open and a dog laying asleep next to a large bowl of water in the boot. Whilst it didn't appear to be a particularly scary dog, I suspect it would make people think twice about stealing the thing!

Ten out of ten for ingenuity and nought out of ten for the rest of us who have paid five hundred quid for a category one alarm!!!

The question is - what does the owner of the vehicle put on the insurance quotation form when asked what kind of alarm they have....as I doubt there is a category for what I've just described!

Purveyor of fine....what?

I'm yet to see what the shop I walk past every day that proudly says 'tossed to order' in the window is actually selling, but it's on my to do list!

The power of television

One of the residential flats I pass every day on the train journey to work has a sticky tape cross in the window just like Fox Mulder in the X files. I'm guessing at what this person hopes to achieve, but my suspicion is that it isn't asking for help fighting against evil monsters who are not from this world.

I'm making the assumption that the tape isn't holding the window together, but I seem to think it's been there for about three years, so by now they would have mended it if it were broken wouldn't they?

Why am I concerned about this?

Un-explained mysteries of the world...

Number 73 - stupid signs

If they know that 'thieves are operating in this area' why on earth do they not use either CCTV, mobile police units or vigilante groups to stop and catch them?

Made of the white stuff

One of the local newsagents has started proclaiming that it sells the cheapest milk in our town. Not ground breaking stuff and probably not enough to make the local paper or indeed to have queues forming before dawn, but in the age of the over-dominant supermarket 'tis quite important nonetheless.

I expect that all their other goods are the most expensive in the town to compensate! I must check it out when I have a few spare minutes!

Shoot him off....shoot to kill!

I suppose it had to happen. Finally an innocent commuter has had enough of Mr Competitive. As the tube doors opened it was clearly packed and nobody was getting off. This didn't stop the erstwhile Mr C from pushing his way on, to the annoyance of several people, one of whom was bold enough to have a go at him. Fingers wagged, words were said, but sadly no punches were thrown. To be honest with you, I would quite like to have seen a modicum of bloodshed, as I think he actually deserves it.

All very exciting for a Wednesday morning! As soon as I got to work I treated myself to a cup of tea and a skinny blueberry muffin! I also displayed a broad grin for most of the morning.