Happy traveller

Bored on the motorway? When you approach a junction look up at the lights and see how many of the them aren't on (surprisingly more than you'd hope!)...then have a quick grumble about how much road tax you pay.

Underground passages

I always get confused on the Northern Line when the driver announces "The next station is Oval". I'm sure it's not just my imagination, but most of the tunnels appear to be this shape! I think it has something to do with the design of the cutting gear.

Different mediums

I remember my dad coming home with his new car when I was in my teens and he confidently claimed it had a CD player. I was impressed, as in those days CD players in cars were definitely a status symbol, and I could get some serious 'cred' points at school for this (albeit in a Vauxhall when all the other dads had Bentley's)!

The truth hit home when I got out to the car and I found it only had a tape player...

All I can liken it to is when you're wearing a pair of nice white jeans, you've been out for a few beers, you're on the train home and you fart and follow through. No matter how hard you try to cover it up, the secret leaks out.

Lock him up and throw away the key!

Possibly the lamest excuse I heard when I was on jury service was from the defendant who apologized for tearing a policeman's trousers off with his teeth. He said that he mistook the policeman for a postman as it's hard to tell the difference when they take their hats off.