One-upmanship

I've got something that none of my friends have got......a really decent 'tuck under' impression......and unless I see theirs on video I shall reign supreme!!!

Sounds familiar?

Whilst in India earlier in the year I visited an outsourcing company and, whilst on the extremely good guided tour, I heard a sound that was vaguely familar, but one I hadn't heard for a very long time......it was the sound of a dot matrix printer!

It reminded me of the Centronics GLP I had when I were a lad.....apparently GLP stood for 'Great Little Printer'! Nice!

The phantom raspberry blower of 'Old London Town'...

At first I thought I was merely imagining it, but when the second waft of fruity woof woof went up my nose it was unmistakable. Someone had let rip on the train.....in an enclosed space with me having no chance of escape.

More worryingly was that it smelt like one of mine, but I don't think it could have been.........oh dear god what if I can no longer control myself and don't realise I'm doing it?!

The other side of the coin

As a bloke, I've always been accustomed to having to make the first move, so you can imagine my shock when a very pretty young lady came up to me at a charity event and said "Excuse me, but could you give me your phone number now, as I suspect I'll be too pissed to ask later on?".

And at least this time, I didn't have the baby strapped to me....