Bedroom performance...

Am I the only person in the world who has to climb inside the duvet cover to make the bed?

Drinking games

I was very happy when they installed a new vending machine at work last week as it actually makes a half a decent cup of tea (rare, in my view). It's so sophisticated that it even tells you that if you ever want to order the same again, you can simply type in the 'quick code', presumably saving you time (which as my boss tells me, means money).

Having tried this, I've found that for my tipple of choice (white tea) you actually have to push more buttons using the 'quick code' system than you do by simply choosing your drink by the normal method!!!

Hardly an efficient use of my time!

Going up...

I was surprised when a chap standing in front of me on the escalator at 'Bank' underground station said "Excuse me mate, but is it Tuesday or Wednesday?". After I'd given due consideration to this question and checked for hidden cameras, he seemed equally surprised when I replied "Friday". Either he really didn't know what day of the week it was or his elaborate joke had just backfired on him (it was in fact Tuesday).

The Look!

When you see people on the train, there are usually three kinds of look. "casual", "professional" and "camp old twat". The latter is, in my humble opinion, usually the bloke with the black beret and the red scarf tied provocatively around his neck like some cheap cravat!

Junior

Now that Junior is well on the way, I've been doing my cash-flow and have discovered that due to increased costs of running a larger family......the dog and cat will have to go. I think I'll put them up for adoption as I don't have a shotgun.

New towels

I'd forgotten how much fluff is generated by new towels. This fluff now leaves itself in the washing machine, the tumble dryer, the bathroom and now, to my absolute horror, around my dinkle when I've dried myself after having a shower.

What would you pay for new fluff free towels?

I think I'd be prepared to pay over a million pounds just to avoid multi coloured dinkle humiliation (which is odd considering the towels are definitely 'aubergine'!!!).

Optional extras (at no extra cost?)

After a recent business trip to Berlin, I've realised there is a sure-fire way of telling if a hotel is high quality - they leave you a card in the room at 7pm giving details of tomorrows weather forecast.