Pulling power

Why is it that when I now go out with my baby daughter strapped to my front in a baby carrier, women (of all ages) seem to take notice of me? I not only get eye contact and smiles but quite often they even talk to me!

My pulling power has increased tenfold overnight and I'm loving it!

Clean as...

I don't think I can begin to convey the surprise when I saw the state of my wife's socks after about 12 hours in hospital last week. All she had done (other than give birth - no mean feat!) was lay in bed and walk around on the ward and the bottom of her pink socks were black with grime!

Just how worried are they about MRSA? Surely they must clean the floors too?

The agony of choice

Luckily, according to the midwife, I (or we) owned the placenta when it came out after my wife gave birth.

In the old days, I was informed, they used to take it away and sell it to companies who wanted to make expensive make-up. I'm surprised they don't still do this given the state of the NHS (I mean they ask for £120 per night if you want a private room in the maternity ward!).

Now, it's different. We had a choice. Did we want to give it to the midwife to dispose of (she will then probably sell it on the black market to the make-up companies), or alternatively did we want to take it home.....and, I quote, "fry it with some garlic and butter" or "bury it in the garden to help the plants grow"? Hmmm, let me see. Which do I find more gross?

Our answer was simple - the make-up companies had it!

The warning

It's difficult to know how to react when you're told by the senior midwife that whilst it's good to have 'flesh against flesh' when the baby is born, under no circumstances was I to strip naked in the delivery suite.

I hadn't actually thought of this, but clearly my reputation preceeds me!!!

Impulse buy...

The question that immediately leaps to mind is "Why have I just bought a feather duster?".

Other than that I'm just wondering what I had hoped to achieve, and indeed feel, after such a purchase. Answers on a postcard...

Choices?

Knowing my late grandfather, as I did, I doubt he would have changed anything about his life. He served his country during the Second World War. He cared for the rich and the poor - he was only too happy to help his neighbour out when they were troubled. He was headstrong. He was resolute about political and social matters.

However, if he could have had his life all over again, I suspect he would have thought twice about stepping out onto the road into the path of that bus...

More bedroom performance...

Can I really be the only person to have lost one of the pillow cases inside the duvet cover and spend an entire evening trying to locate it (it wasn't in the washing machine, nor the tumble drier....nor several other places I looked)?

Stop thief!

If the person who stole my step ladder yesterday doesn't bring it back, further steps will be taken.

(the above was written in aid of 'Give an elderly joke a home week')