Things you learn as a father

Number 19 - personal grooming

Always keep your finger nails short if you have to change nappies in the middle of the night with low lighting. It can help you avoid all sorts of horrors.

Feline worries

After an enjoyable two week break over Christmas, during which by black overcoat was hung on a bedroom door, you can imagine my amazement when I put it on and discovered it was covered in cat hair.

How did that happen?

Firstly, I don't know of a cat that sleeps vertically on doors, and secondly (and perhaps more importantly), I don't own a cat.

Out with the old...

Having taken the decision to clear out the loft, I came across all of my old school notebooks and files. Whilst going through them was an interesting trip down memory lane, I was struck by three things.

Firstly, I was impressed that my revision notes were so thorough (which ultimately led to academic success!). Secondly, I was amazed how my drawings of bunsen burners, in my 'Physics' notebooks, looked like the male sex organ. Thirdly, it was great to find that my 'Biology' notebooks were full to the bursting with drawings of the male sex organ looking uncannily like the space shuttle.

After nearly 18 years of reflection, what didn't surprise me was that my application to join NASA was rejected without an interview.

The mystery of the upturned umbrella

I pass a house each day on my walk to the station which always has its curtains open and the lights on, even at stupid O'clock in the morning. Being an inquisitive fellow, I don't think it rude to have a look and see if anything interesting is happening.

However, all you can ever see is an upturned black umbrella on the sofa. Nothing more, nothing less.

What strikes me as odd is twofold. Firstly, if it had been raining and you'd been caught in a slight shower and used your umbrella, you would never think to let the water drip onto a clean, dry sofa would you? Surely the kitchen floor would be a better bet. Secondly, each time I've seen the umbrella, it hasn't actually been raining.

So, logic suggests that there is another reason for this article having been placed there. But what could it be?

In the old days...

So legend has it, the difference between 'flu' and a 'heavy cold' was the ability to pick a twenty pound note up off the floor...if you had 'flu' you simply couldn't.

Here we are in the 21st century and times have changed. Given that I've been stricken (and I use that word advisedly) with a 'heavy cold' recently, I couldn't use my BlackBerry for two days...and I'm fairly sure that in old money that would equate to twenty pounds...but I will never admit to having 'man flu'.