The vagaries of language

I read with amusement a couple of weeks back that a suit of King Henry VIII's armour was being flown back to Britain from America to be reunited with its arms for the first time in 100 years at the Dressed to Kill exhibition at The Tower of London.

Visions of an emotional event with a museum curator attaching the arms back on to rapturous applause flooded my mind......only to realise that 'arms' actually meant 'weaponry' when I read that the exhibition was all about swords and spears.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Unanwered questions - number 19

Do they air brush unwanted hair out of underwear shots in catalogues?

Count the rings

Three signs that show you're getting old:

- you buy jeans with an elasticated waist
- you take your slippers round to other people's houses
- a little bit of wee comes out when you laugh

Naming conventions

When you go shopping for clothes you're confronted with sections with names like 'Sports Wear' for apparel associated with physical exertion and 'Formal Wear' for work or those evenings when you go and take in a show. Why therefore aren't bras and knickers referred to as 'Tit and Bum Wear'?

Older

Several years ago me and my dad went round to visit my grandfather on a Sunday morning, and fairly soon after we arrived I put the kettle on and started looking for the teapot.

Nothing unusual about that other than when opened the cupboard I not only found the teapot (with a hand knitted tea cosy that looked like it had survived both World Wars), but I also found tomorrows breakfast already prepared (cereal with sugar already sprinkled on top). Subsequent visits always yielded similar results so I know it wasn't a one off.

What sort of madman prepares the next days food and stashes it in a cupboard? I know he was lonely and probably bored but that is extreme!

Anyway, my wife recently found a teabag in a mug which I had put away in a cupboard....she suspects I'm turning into my grandfather.

Well, burger me...

I always judge a pub by the variety of its ale and the quality of its burger.

A few years ago, I used to go to the George, and their burger was definitely a patriotic affair - topped with red tomato, white mayo and finished with blue cheese.

More recently I sampled The Plough burger and it was a magnificent affair and brought back memories of a bygone age....cheddar cheese, chunky pickle with a side of salad and root vegetables.

The burger I had at the Cock Inn....well, it looked more like a hot dog.