Mirror, signal, oh shit...

Imagine my astonishment when I went into the station car park this morning and found a 2 year old VW Golf half in and half out of a parking bay. No one was in it, and nobody was around. Being a nosey kind of bloke, I took a closer look only to find that the car was in fact embedded into one of the supporting pillars, and had obviously been left where the accident had occurred.

I can only assume that the owner/driver had such a fit of rage/embarrassment that they simply got out of the car and walked away. If it had been me I would have found the nearest tree branch and beat the living crap out of the car for being so stupid - a la Basil Fawlty.

Great train journey's of the world...

It must be great to be a commuter in the days between Christmas and New Year. No overcrowding, you can put your feet up on the seat opposite without fear of huffing, puffing and stern looks from people coming aboard and quite likely you can get the later train cos the boss isn't in!

That said, if it was a toss up between that and eating too much, drinking too much and generally being merry then I'll take the latter!

Christmas is coming...

At this time of year the geese have been fat, and have been under the executioners knife, for quite some time and I can imagine the beastly farmers have been out there every morning pretending to be Sir Cliff and singing in some awful yokel voice something like "mistletoe and wine, that fat goose is mine..." for the last month or so. Tragic, but true!

In my little corner of the world I've been more concerned with whether I've got enough coal and wood to see me through this, the most festive of seasons. If I haven't, then the dogs and cat are in danger of providing me with some warmth! That said, the guinea pig looks the most likely to fit on a spit on the roaring fire!

Mind the gap? This isn't a gap, it's a precipice...

OK, well, I've worked out why I've been so disappointed with the 6.49 being five minutes late....the timetable has changed (without me, and the rest of the English speaking population of my village being informed) and the new time is actually 6.54.

Clearly I should have been happy with this given that I don't have to get up five minutes earlier....except that I'm not. Both me and Mr Competitive, and his army of fans, have been standing on the platform with their feet tapping, at the same time they used to, and huffing and puffing, so much that they might even blow the house down...

Oh, what's the point?

Mind the gap

I think I am going to lobby the train operators into changing the internal layout of their carriages as it strikes me that there are effectively three types of passenger and all should get their own well defined area.

Firstly there are those who can afford first class tickets and they should continue to have wider seats, sliding glass door separators and those little bits of paper to protect the head rests on seats.

Secondly, an area for middle class kind of people. You know, the solid, hard working joe bloggs who do a long day in the city and travel back to the countryside at the end of each day to spend a lovely evening in front of the fire (velour smoking jacket optional).

Lastly a compartment for smelly people who don't seem to take a shower, who had spicy food with garlic in it for tea yesterday, and generally have questionable personal hygiene.

Enough said.

And the winner is...

Success.

I finally beat Mr Competitive off the tube and up the escalators this morning. It was an expert piece of manoevering as I quite neatly let him onto the carriage first so that he wouldn't be able to get off in front of me.

Ingenuity at its finest, but I fear I am becoming worse than him! I even found myself giving him a very hard stare the other day, and he can't possibly know why!