Twenty minutes on gas mark four

There must be a word or a phrase to describe the feeling you have when you buy something new, unpack it, piece it together using poor instructions (including when you have to take it apart again and then re-jig it in the right order), get it all together and find it doesn't actually do what it says on the tin.

This afternoon, it happened to be a patio heater, but it could have been anything. All I wanted was a spring evening sipping wine on a slightly warmer patio than normal.....I might as well have plugged a hair dryer into an extension cable and pointed it towards me.

I can only assume that if the manufacturer decided that propane was better than butane (as was duly noted in the instructions) then it ought to f*cking work with the stuff. To read that it was test fired in the factory, thus insinuating that if it didn't work in my back garden it was my fault, was frankly taking the piss.

Let's hope their customer service department doesn't disappoint me in the same way. I suspect another post on this subject is only a day or so away!